I know that asking others for help goes against the grain for many of you and I know that the thought of sharing your feelings and emotions with someone probably seems like the last thing you want to do.  But here is the deal, if you wait to “just get over it” or if you tell yourself to “just try harder” without some sort of support and feedback, I suspect you will continue to struggle.  Depression pretty much robs you of your ability to see the world as it really is and often the harder you try to just get over it the worse it gets.  I am not telling you that you have to run out and go on an antidepressant or sign up for counseling, but I am telling you that asking for help and getting an outside perspective is critical.

A couple of things you can do real easily.  First, look around at our website where you can finds all sorts of good information about depression and its treatment.  Second, think of a friend you trust and ask him or her to help you get started.  Third, email us here at Face It (mmeier@faceitfoundation.org or info@faceitfoundation.org) and we can help you with other resources and ideas.  Depression is complicated and the longer you ignore it the more complicated it tends to get.  I know admitting you’re struggling is hard, but living with depression is much harder.  Start 2012 with a push for a better life and start it today!

Mark 

 As 2011 comes to a close, I find myself reflecting back on the last twelve months.  I cannot help but try to put a value on my life.  Money and material things are important but I don’t think that is how we put a value on who we are.  How do we evaluate our lives?

As I think about it, the answer became clear to me.  I think we should judge our life on the number of experiences we have.  Please let me take a minute to explain this new, exciting revelation of mine.

I believe that our lives are made up of experiences.  These experiences happen in all shapes and sizes and we just never know when the next experience will come our way.  In fact I like to think of each experience in my life as a tree in the forest.

As you may know, Mark and I took a cross country trip this summer to raise awareness of depression in men.  That was an amazing experience for both of us.  I see that experience as the trunk of the tree.  As I reflect back on it I realize that a lot of things have come along with that experience, I will call them branches.  There are branches of the new friends I have made because of this experience.  There are branches of support from friends and family that believed in me and what we were trying to accomplish.  There are branches on this tree that I didn’t expect,  that represent how the journey had changed me forever.  There is also a branch on that tree for God, who I know was with me over those three and a half months on the road.  Of course the very first branch that appeared is a real strong and sturdy branch.  It makes me think of my cousin Mark.  It shows me the strength and determination to takes to make a difference in our world.  It is a branch that I know will always be there.  It really is an amazing tree but it is one of so many in my forest.

 I like to look at other peoples trees as well.  I think about my friend Scott that has a new son.  Having his first child was an amazing experience, or trunk of his tree.  From that one experience has grown so many branches.  I bet there is a branch that makes him realize that he could never imagine loving something as much as he loves his son.  There are so many branches of his son’s first steps, his first word and many more.  Over time this tree will grow big and strong right along with him, there will be so many more branches.  Not all the branches are good though.  Scott has had some very tough times with custody battles but they are all still part of that particular tree…not every tree is perfect.  Knowing Scott, this is by far the most special and beautiful tree that will ever stand in his forest.

 I look back at my friend Monica’s forest and see a tree just getting going.  The trunk of this tree isn’t as strong as some but it is still a very special tree.  I know that over time, this tree will grow to be big and strong just like the others.  Remember that a tree can grow by itself but the strongest tree, the best trees need some care.  With her love, compassion and drive this tree has branches starting all over it.  I can see a branch of perseverance and patience.  Another branch of all the support she didn’t know she had.  They too have branches of first smiles, steps and words.  Monica should look back at this tree with pride because this experience has helped make her the very special person that she is today.

Not all experiences are good ones…but don’t give up.  This summer I experienced pain when a friend took his own life.  That experience is another tree in my forest.  That trunk doesn’t look very good at all…until you start moving closer.  If you get right next to that tree and look really close you can see signs of life, just like in the spring when my wife Wendy’s flowers come back to life after a hard winter.  Although they are just starting, I can now see branches are on their way.  I will have a branch that will be the new friendships that have come with Brad’s family.  There is a branch that motivates me to work harder to make sure people know that they are not alone.  There is a branch that shows me just how fragile life is and how we need to reach out to those closest to us.  I see the start of a branch that tells me the God has a plan for all of us.  I am not sure what to expect from that branch but I trust it no matter what.  This tree isn’t a lot just yet, but give it some time.  Give it some sun and some water, I expect hundreds of new branches on this tree very soon and it will be as beautiful as all the others.  Finally, this tree has one very special branch on it. I received a very special ornament from Brad’s mother recently and I will be able to see it hanging on that branch, right in the front, each and every year at Christmas.

So I ask you..How full is your forest?  I bet there is still plenty of room for a few more trees.  Live life to the fullest, look for experiences and remember that no matter how a tree starts out it can still grow up to be something amazing if we just look close enough.

When my time here on earth here has ended, I hope…NO…I WILL look back on a beautiful full forest.

If I had one wish it would be that you spread this story on to everyone you know.  There is someone out there that feels worthless, sad and unimportant.  I want that person to read this story and take a real good look out at their forest and I bet they will see more trees than they ever imagined.  Hopefully they will see some great trees as well as some that on their way to becoming special as well.   Seeing good in our lives can be very difficult at times, reach out and help your friends and family see the trees they have.  You just might help them end 2011 feeling good about themselves.

May each and every one of you have a very Happy and Healthy New Year.

Bill…..

At times, Bill and I have felt as though we are alone in our desire to change the way we deal with depression in men.  The treatment for depression is often limited only to medication and psychotherapy, but yet these two approaches are often not enough to help a man overcome his depression, are ineffective, or in many cases men won’t even consider these options.  We at Face it have been saying, loudly, we need additional interventions.  When you go against the accepted norms that can be a lonely road.

Well we have found that the more we reach out to medical, mental health, and other professionals concerned about the care of those with depression, the more we realize we aren’t alone in our belief that creating new and innovative ways to address depression is critical.  Over the course of the last few months we have been working extremely hard to develop a Face It Medical and Scientific Advisory Board (MSAB) that will challenge and help us as we develop our depression management program.  

Well I am extremely pleased to introduce the inaugural members of our MSAB who I know will hold our work to the highest standards possible.  I am grateful these incredibly busy individuals have agreed to share their time with Face It and I am excited to see what the future holds for the tools we are building.  The members (click here to read their bios) are:

John Adler, MD (Stanford University)
Macaran Baird, MD, MD (University of Minnesota)
Mark Frye, MD (Mayo Clinic)
Ian Gotlib, PhD (Stanford University)
John Greden, MD (University of Michigan)
Madukhar Trivedi, MD (University of Texas Southwest)

Thank you to all of you!

Mark

As I look back on my several years of bouncing in and out of being depressed I know that these same questions and fears resonated loudly in my mixed up and often very lonely brain.  Some days it feels like you are taking a good half step forward only to wake up in the morning and feel like you have moved backward 15 steps.  Living with depression is extremely frustrating, especially when you are taking an antidepressant, getting some counseling, meeting with friends, and doing all the other stuff professionals tell you to do AND you still struggle.  So as I said to the friend last night, some days all you can do is persevere and keep pushing forward in the face of pain.  

But and here is the important part of this note, you don’t have to do it alone!  While a group of people, a friend, a spouse, or whoever might not be able to take away the depression you are feeling, I am 100% certain that it is far better for you to find a group of people who you can turn to help.  Sometimes its a group of guys who are struggling like you are, maybe its someone who has recovered from depression, maybe its your pastor, a colleague, a next door neighbor…you get the picture?!  Suffering in silence is not necessary and not helpful.  

To all of you who struggle and wonder when “it” will go away.  My hope for you is that you will keep finding that strength (and you are very strong!) to keep going forward even when life really sucks.  My hope is that you will reach to others and ask for their support and help.  My hope is that you will keep challenging the negativity that is going on in your head and learn to recognize that life is not nearly as bad as it sometimes appears.  And remember to persevere with purpose and with a plan!

After I got out of the hospital I quietly put my depression and experiences with it into the “closet” for a number of years.  I was doing all I could to try and get better and I just didn’t think I had the energy to tell anyone what I was going through.  It seemed to me that if I just kept pushing forward with my antidepressant and the things I learned in my outpatient counseling program that I would eventually be fine.  However, what was nagging was this ever present feeling of shame and embarrassment over having depression, attempting suicide, being hospitalized, and then requiring treatment.  What I didn’t see at the time was the fact that by denying the fact that I had depression, I was continuing to tell myself that I “should” feel ashamed. 

By chance one day I was giving a talk at a medical conference about the impact of depression on people with kidney disease and I let slip that I had suffered depression.  I was horrified of what the outcome of this slip would be and I feared for my reputation.  And guess what?  The evaluations I received from that talk were some of the best ones I ever received.  Suddenly my audience pereceived me as more real, more understanding, and quite honestly more credible because of my experience.  After that day I took it upon myself to contact some colleagues and friends and explain to them what had been going on with me the last number of years.  I shouldn’t have been surprised, but what I received was overwhelming support and encouragement.  As I look back, finally “coming out” if you will about my depression was without question one of the most healing things I did to help my recovery.

You have to decide for yourself who you want to tell about your experiences, but let me tell you that the longer you hide it and feel ashamed about it, the more difficult it is to move forward in your recovery.  At the talk I gave on Sunday, the Pastor from Plymouth Congregational told me about a sermon he delivered on March 25, 2007 on depression.  This talk was designed to inform his congregation about depression, but it was also his opportunity to open up to the people he worked for about his own battles with depression.  The outcome?  An outpouring of support, encouragement, and a significant boost to him in his recovery.

****ONE NIGHT ONLY****

“Riding with Trucks” is a unique inside look at a man’s journey to bike across America to raise awareness to male depression.

 Come out and see the pictures, watch the videos and hear the stories as Mark Meier and Bill Dehkes share their experiences from a three and a half month long journey as they pedaled and drove their way from San Francisco to New York City in this very special two person show.

 You will shed a few tears, learn about depression and certainly have plenty of laughs.

 Sunday, October 16^th, 2011

6:00pm – 8:00pm

 (Doors open up at 5:30pm)

Ritz Theater
345 13^th Avenue NE
Minneapolis, MN 55413

**Cash Bar**
**Free Hors d’oeuvres and Snacks**

 The Show is FREE

(Donations accepted)

 Space is limited so reserve your tickets today by emailing Bill Dehkes at the Face It Foundation.

bdehkes@faceitfoundation.org

During the course of the event I had the chance to speak with many about depression, particularly the issue of depression in men.  I spoke with so many who have lost a dad, husband, brother or just a good male friend to suicide.  I heard many times how these men just couldn’t bring themselves to talk about or get help for their depression.  This is of course something I am very familiar with and I nearly lost my life because of my unwillingness to treat my own depression.  A common theme I heard was how these men had said at one time or another that they were alone in their struggles or that no one could possibly understand what they were feeling. 

Here is a call out to every man out there who thinks he is alone in this battle with depresion…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Millions of men know exactly what you are going through.  They understand the pain, the shame, the embarrassment, the hopelessness, and all the other crap that goes along with being depressed.  It is not only okay to reach out and talk to someone, it is really important that you do.  Help is out there, it might take some doing to find the right way to manage your depression, but help is out there!

Bill and I are working very hard to bring to life a very unique system that will help connect men to other men who have learned to manage and beat their depression.  This approach we are working on will allow men the chance to anonymously and confidentially learn more about depression and its treatment.  But, we need your help.  We need to hear from men who have overcome depression and we need your financial support.  Please take a moment to visit our website to learn what we are doing and please consider supporting the very important work of Face It.  Thank you.

Mark

What I really want to talk about is peer support and the power of it.  I have worked as a clinical social worker in the medical/mental health field for 17 years and I am constantly amazed at the unwillingness of the professional community to embrace the power of peer support.  The concerns I have heard range from, “We can’t trust patients to give the appropriate information to other patients” to “They aren’t adequately trained” to “The research doesn’t support peer interventions” to the truly outrageous “They (patients) just don’t get it.”  The unfortunate reality is that these very same statements can be applied to the professional community at times. 

I live in both worlds.  I am a clinician, I am a researcher, and I am faculty at the University of Minnesota.  All of this has given me a strong understanding of depression as described in the textbooks and lectures I have heard and studied.  I also lived with depression for a number of years and this taught me about hopelessness, sadness, poor life choices, isolation, desperation, inpatient hospitalization, medication side-effects, suicide, and recovery.

Peer support doe not replace professional support and just as IMPORTANTLY professional care does not replace peer support.  If I could turn to a clinician that could absolutely 100% guarantee me that he or she could cure a person’t depression I would change my mind.  And conversely if a peer support approach could 100% guarantee me that it could cure a person’s depression…you get the picture. 

The successful management of something as complex and complicated as depression requires an approach that is comprehensive and embraces both professional and lay support.   The ego’s that exist in the professional and lay communities are not helpful to each other and they get in the way of really helping those who suffer with depression.  Perhaps I am a bit naive, but it seems to me that when we ignore other people’s experiences and knowledge we lose out on valuable input that could help move someone toward recovery. 

Learning to build a bridge between the two is not the answer because then you still have 2 separate entities.  Rather learning how to blend professional and peer support into the mix to create a truly comphrehensive approach to overcoming depression is the real answer.

So I tucked the image of the map into the back of my mind and I started out on what was sure to be the journey of a lifetime.  As I pedaled off the first day and made my way through the foothills of California I distinctly remember wondering out loud “What am I doing out here?”  A few moments of anxious silence followed when almost instantly, as if the collective forces of the universe joined in unison to tell me, I became aware and committed to what I was “doing out here.”  I was going to make a difference in the lives of men who suffer from depression.  I was going to meet people who suffered in silence and I was going to tell them that they aren’t alone anymore.  I was going to get up in front of audiences and tell them about all the mistakes I made in avoiding my depression and urge them to stop hiding and face their depression.  I was going to cleanse my soul once and for all of the guilt I still harbored from the night I nearly took my life.  It was a moment of clarity that will stay with me for the remainder of my days.

Riding each day was like an adventure within an adventure.  Each day took on a feel but even that feel could change at the drop of a hat.  Early on I was influenced by the wind.  Nothing will try your will like riding up the mountains in headwinds that take your best effort on the bike and reduce you to riding 5 mph.  It was hard work and I felt like I wasn’t going fast enough or working hard enough, when what I really needed to do was to recognize that some days its just windy and I wasn’t going to make it as far that day.  Kind of like life, some days are hard and getting through those days can be an accomplishment on its own. 

The first days offered me some new challenges unlike any others I had ever encountered.  My first day in the mountains was painful.  My first trip down a mountain pass at 47 mph was scary.  My first day riding on Hwy 50 in Nevada, where I would routinely see less than 20 cars over the course of 6 hours of riding was just plain weird.  My first days of riding in sustained temperatures in the upper 90′s was draining.  Riding in Colorado with snow capped mountains dominating the horizon and a never ending blue sky provided me with a feeling of peace and contentment that I wish I could have bottled.  Racing with all my energy through the cornfields of Iowa provided me with a chance to see how far I had come physically.  And the last day of the ride was up and down hills in pouring rain, almost a reminder to me that my time on the road was over and I needed to go home to be with Amy, Anna, Ben, and Ellie again.   The elements never failed to disappoint or influence the day.

I also had to learn how to focus in a way that was new to me. I had time to think unlike any other time in my life. The opportunity for negativity and pessimism to overtake the day was always with me.  I mastered that fairly early and learned to use my time productively.  I used the time to think about my family, my experiences, and what I wanted to do with Face It.  I used that time to talk to friends of mine who are no longer with me, like Bob and my father.  I used that time to talk with God…I had a lot of questions for him.  And I used that time to take in the beauty of all that was around me and in front of me.  And somedays I used the time to just be present in the moment and enjoy what I was witnessing.

Most importantly what I learned on this trip came from others.  I always knew how prevalent depression is and this trip, unfortunately only reinforced that.  But I also came to have a greater appreciation of just how resilient people are.  How willing they are to keep trying to feel better when they have faced multiple life setbacks, experienced failed treatments for their depression, and are surrounded by people who don’t understand depression.  I was glad to see that on many occasions people just wanted to be heard.  They didn’t need me to talk, they needed me to listen.  They didn’t expect me to have the answers, they just wanted me to affirm that they were okay despite the fact that they had this “taboo” disease known as depression.

I learned we have a long way to go in our understanding, recognition, and ability to treat depression.  I will argue with anyone who cares to argue with me that depression is at the top of the list for one of the most complex and difficult diseases to treat.  We still can’t x-ray it, we can’t say for sure which medication is going to help it, we don’t know when it is going to strike, we don’t know where in our body (brain or otherwise) it lies, but we do know it is a debilitating, painful, killer that strikes millions of us a year.  I met people who remain skeptical about whether or not depression is real.  And I saw firsthand just how far we have to go to create a truly comprehensive apporoach to managing depression. 

I have carried on for too long here and I guess I just might be trying to hold off on saying good-bye to the 2011 Face It Together Bike Tour.  This trip had been bouncing around in my head for a number of years and now its over.  I am grateful to so many people for the unbelievable support they provided to me on this journey.  I am glad to be back in my home and I am glad that in some small way I have changed as a person.  But mostly I am excited for the future of Face It and I look forward to the next phase of this incredible organization.

Thank you!
Mark